BATF-F FIELD AGENT TEE

Description

(Inventory Disposal Report – Agent J.L. Porter)
SUBJECT: BATF-F Field Agent Tee (Box #14C)
LOCATION: Sub-Basement Archive 3B, Room 1 (formerly Agent T.W. Dunlap’s office)
STATUS: Declassified for civilian liquidation

While excavating Dunlap’s office for digitization, I found a sealed box marked “FIELD AGENT UNIFORMS – DO NOT DISTRIBUTE.”
The paperwork dates back to the late ’90s—around the time Dunlap started ordering things “just in case of new recruits.”
Considering he vanished in 2008 and the department sat untouched for eleven years, I’m confident these shirts qualify as abandoned assets.
To free shelf space (and maybe recover part of my supply budget), I’m authorizing their release to the public.
They’re surprisingly well-constructed: thick, soft, and built to survive both fieldwork and decades of bureaucratic neglect.
Owning one does not grant federal authority, though it may invite unwanted conversations with people who think it does.

SPECIFICATIONS (from surviving paperwork):
• 100% ring-spun cotton, 6.1 oz/yd² (206.8 g/m²)
• Garment-dyed for that “stored-since-the-Clinton-era” look
• Relaxed fit – approved for extended desk duty or unsanctioned stakeouts
• Double-needle stitching; twill-taped neck and shoulders for endurance under duress
• Blank sourced from Honduras; rediscovered, repurposed, and reluctantly sold in the USA

FRONT PRINT – Field Issue Insignia
Left-chest mark of the BATF-F
Discreet enough for daily wear; technically identifies you as an investigator of “cryptid-related alcohol abduction”
Please don’t flash it at actual law enforcement.

BACK PRINT – Official Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms & Folklore Emblem
Full bureau crest, used on evidence folders and wherever you want your sanity questioned.
Wearing it will not open any restricted doors, but it might open a tab.

NOTE: Proceeds go toward archival expenses, mostly printer ink, coffee filters, and existential upkeep.
If anyone from accounting asks, tell them it was a public-education initiative.

– Agent Jonah L. Porter
Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms & Folklore
(Archival Conversion Unit — Basement Level)