The legend of Beerfoot has circulated amongst social drinkers for decades all across the United States. Though eyewitness accounts are rare, tales of his exploits are widespread, notoriously following bouts of revelry.
Described as a large, hairy, ape-like creature with oversized feet and a prominent gut, Beerfoot’s disposition is said to be “quite congenial for such a wild lookin’ feller.” Although he’s not known to be dangerous, it is his propensity for unlawfully acquiring an unsuspecting person’s beer that is cause for alarm, and justification for his ignominious moniker.
Besides his insatiable thirst, Beerfoot is renowned for making sport of the inebriated and his proclivity to borrow from inattentive drinkers; cash, credit cards, lighters, keys, wallets, purses, phones, and various other personal effects commonly reported missing after an evening of festivities.
The following are documented examples of the effects of Beerfoot’s hijinks:
• Missing beer
• Relocated transportation
• Mysterious scrapes and bruises
• Text messages sent to an ex from your phone
• Mismatched or missing clothing
• Loved one angry with you for no reason
• Regurgitated surprises
• Unpaid bar tabs
If you’ve ever experienced any of these, you may have unknowingly been the victim of a Beerfoot attack. Please spread the word to raise awareness and always remember to Guard Your Beer!
*Craft breweries and tap houses should especially be on the lookout.
